Yikes. i think i need help. Quick!?

HA! here's some (starting from cleanest to dirtiest): have you ever kissed a girl?, Have you ever dated anyone?, If yes, how many?, would you date me?, If a random chick came up to you and kissed you, and she was hot, would you let her?, How many boners have you had tonight?, Do I give you a *****?, Have you masturbated to me?, Who have you masturbated to?, Have you ever touched a girl, in the naughty way? Have you ever gotten a *******? If yes, how many? Are you a virgin? If no, how many girls did you have sex with? And last but not least, would you have sex with me?